Heads

I spend a lot of time in my head. I like Ideas, and Thinking. I enjoy reading and talking and theories and all sorts of intellectual exercises and engagement (except doing math problems). Reading the Scriptures, participating in liturgy, studying history and theology - all these things I can do and enjoy very much in my head.

There are times, however, when I need to get out of my head. I can do that in company with others - listening, sympathizing, talking to and from the heart. Warm interaction with others is not such a head-thing. And there are plenty of times when a little levity, a little silliness, a little sadness bring me in touch with my core self. But still, I find it really easy to go to theory at the times when I ought to stay with my feelings more and just let them be for a while.

My fear is that I will be overcome by feelings, I suspect. And end up a puddle on the floor. I well remember being an emotional teenager, reacting to much of what happened in life with intense feelings that threatened to sweep me away. Sometimes I was swept away. It felt out of control. And sometimes I ended up in places where I'd rather not be. My feelings clouded my judgment.

So the head seems safer, not to mention smarter (in all senses of the word). Like many children, part of my formation was singing "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so." See? Books!

We are approaching Holy Week. This is a time when I wish most to be able to move easily between head and heart, between thinking and analyzing and just letting the feelings sweep over me. (Singing what we read in books!) There are big questions during Holy Week, and now is the time to prepare for the intensity of the questions as well as the intensity of the feelings.

Now is the time to prepare for new life, a life of wholeness, life abundant. Soon we will sing "Now the green blade riseth" and it's time to get ready.