Out There

I have been in limbo for a while. Maybe even Purgatory. I often feel that there is something "out there" that I am supposed to be doing or that will happen or that there is a place where I will arrive at some point. And meanwhile, "in here," I am treading water.

Part of this is the nature of my work: right now I am serving as a supply priest, in a different parish almost every week, filling in for various priests in small parishes who might be away for vacation or mission trip or conference. And so I do not have a regular community. But I feel that I am supposed to have a community. We're all about community with the church. Jesus had disciples, we believe God is a Trinity of Persons of one substance. And while I pay attention to the people I am with on Sundays, and I enjoy seeing familiar faces when and if I serve multiple times in a parish, I still am not part of any parish's life. I don't have a flock, nor am I a part of a flock, right now.

I'm quite busy "in here," of course. In addition to writing this blog and writing sermons, there are always things to do, both fun and drudgery. I admit to having tried to find more fun than drudge to do and have frequently neglected the mundane everyday stuff like grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning. I prefer projects. Fun projects.

I have an urgent (i.e., needs to be done pronto but would not be characterized as fun) project now - reorganizing a walk-in closet that serves as an attic as well as parking for my and my husband's clothes. Two long shelves that serve as clothing rods fell down the other day, spilling the majority of our clothes on the floor and leaving bent shelving supports and pulling the anchors out of the wall. I am taking the opportunity to change things up a bit in there, which could take some time, but time is certainly something I've got.

Organizing the closet does not, however, count as community participation/building/being in. I'm just in there by myself, with sweaters and pants and shoes and hangers (Lord, how many hangers are there in this house?) sorting things. There will be a certain satisfaction that comes with seeing things put away neatly and all that, but real life continues to feel as if it is going on "out there" but not "in here."