Self-Examination

This mirror hung in my room during my childhood and teenage years. I spent a lot of time looking in it over the years, then and since when I visit my parents' home. Sometimes doing the "mirror, mirror, on the wall...." thing and many times doing the "look at this flaw, and that one, and here is another one" thing. It's one of those "good mirrors" - not cracked, doesn't seem to distort one's image.

Self-examination is hard. True self-examination, I mean. Some of us tend more toward the "mirror, mirror, who is the fairest and of course you mean me" outlook while others find nothing but fault and flaws. Some of us look into mirrors that are cracked with our psychological stuff and thus we simply cannot see ourselves as we are, much less as we are created to be.

Self-examination takes courage. It is daunting to even attempt to look at oneself with clear eyes and be willing to see both assets and flaws, potential and failure, things done well and things incomplete and things rushed through to a slap-dash conclusion and things mangled slightly or horribly, with or without good intentions.

Many of us secretly feel that we are being sized up by God every day and at all times. As if there were a celestial camera trained solely on us to catch every misstep (and even each success, although we don't worry about that quite as much). That we are being examined and judged constantly, with our "worthiness" meter wavering above and below the acceptable line all day, every day; we hope that when the end comes, we'll be in the black rather than in the red.

Even if we have delusions about ourselves when we look in the mirror, I think that God has no such delusions. God sees us with the eyes of love, with the eyes of the beloved; God sees us as we are unable to see ourselves, as worthy and made whole through love.