Focus

I am one of those people who sometimes has some issues with focus.  I am easily distracted.  This has its advantages.  I see all the pretty flowers and birds and some other things that go me (or I go by, in the case of flowers and other stationary objects) that other people miss.  (The fact that I irritate those other people by interrupting them, or sometimes myself, is another matter entirely.  Let's just say that I like seeing all those things I notice and leave it at that.)

One of the ways I manage this issue is to sit near or in the front, if in class or somewhere where there is seating in rows.   I stay away from "group tables" if I want to stay on task.  I also try to keep my desk organized, although often I fail at this, too.

The problem is, however, that most of life does not take place in places where there are rows, or even desks.  (In fact, I don't even have a desk but two days a week, and it's not mine anyway.)

It occurs to me that, therefore, I need to change my own perspective.  If I am trying to stay in line by working within a set of parameters that isn't realistic, once I realize that set of parameters isn't realistic, I need to change it.  I need to stop thinking about sitting in rows if I'm not in a row-organized system.  (Or else, I should think about going back to school again, which is not a bad thought.)

I'm living a nearly-unstructured life at the moment, and I am smart enough (really!) to know that imposing an artificial structure on myself will only work for so long before I announce to myself that I don't have to follow that artificial structure, and then it's all over.  So that's not much of a solution, unless I'm ok with coming up with a new structure every couple of months.

So, I've decided to think about myself as being in training for a surprise development that is coming my way someday soon.  And all the things I do (from staying in my jammies all day with a book to working out at the gym four days a week to avoiding going to the grocery store - all on my potential to do list today, I might add) is part of this training.  In other words, I'm in a long transition time, and I just need to let myself be in that space for as long as it takes to work through it.  And all the things I do (and don't do) during this time is part of the work in some way.

(Update:  After more thinking about this, I like the idea that I am collecting wisdom during this time.)